Andy Miller's When the Martians Landed 

When the Martians landed, they didn’t look much like Martians.

Do you remember? We watched it together – everyone did. We thought there’d be antennae, the whole Bug-Eyed Monster bit. My little brother wanted tentacles. We weren’t expecting them to look like the prime minister. Nobody was.

The ramp extended from the silver spaceship and the band struck up the national anthem. The prime minister – the original one – straightened his tie and got ready to address the first Martian. It was a historic moment. He had prepared himself for anything, even tentacles. But when he looked up and saw himself walking down the ramp, right hand extended, famous smile in place, you could see the prime minister – our prime minister – was completely flabbergasted. Whereas the new PM – the Martian one, the alien – looked supremely confident. He looked like the one in charge.

There was an explanation. The Martians can change their appearance. If we humans saw them as they really were, they said, we would be overwhelmed by their ugliness and sliminess. It was important to build a relationship of trust early on. And so the two prime ministers waved to the cameras and walked off arm-in-arm to continue their discussions in private.

In the months that followed, more silver spaceships landed. The Martians offered to help us eradicate disease and abolish hunger.

“Our new best friends,” the prime minister called them. They bombarded us with wonderful Martian food – irresistible cakes and chocolate bars and crisps which tasted out of this world. All gifts, they said. “Eat up!” said the prime minister. “Eat up, you lovely people!” Everyone’s been getting fatter. Even my little brother, though he’s not so little these days. They’ve started talking about an “obesity opportunity” instead of a crisis.

Yesterday, the government announced a new exchange scheme for Earth children – a trip to Mars for anyone who tips the scales at fifty kilos, with a lookalike Martian to take your place while you’re away. On TV, the prime minister smiled his famous smile and then – just for a second – I thought I saw him lick his lips. “You lovely people!” he said. I don’t know about you, but suddenly I’m not feeling hungry.

By Andy Miller

© Andy Miller 2008. Story taken from WOW! 366 published by Scholastic Children’s Books. All rights reserved.


Andy recommends:
The Eighteenth Emergency by Betsy Byars and Moominpappa at
Sea by Tove Jansson